This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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