ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
