im about as happy as oj after his trial
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
