I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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