We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
