You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
