dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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