does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Semen is not good for contacts.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
