so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
