I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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