i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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