Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
