shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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