Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
