i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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