He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
