got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Randomize
