yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
