I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
