I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
