You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
You're like the curious george of whores
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Randomize
