I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
