i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
