Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
