how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize