I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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