There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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