you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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