a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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