At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
