exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
