I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
