What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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