you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
