from now on my penis is your penis
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
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