Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
