If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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