Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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