omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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