its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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