Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
