i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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