Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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