I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
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