You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
