2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize
