Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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