im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
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