i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
