Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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