dude i'm inner monologue high
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
My pussy is not your playground.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
How many fucks given?
0.12846
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
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