is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
