Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
