Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
