im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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