I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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