so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
