There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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