I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
