Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
