It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
This is my gift to your gina
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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