Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
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