apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
