Whod you bang
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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