the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
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