Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
