I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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