Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
